In my lifelong effort to heal and to be whole, I learned many things
and had to keep unlearning, re-learning, exploring, observing,
contemplating, discerning, naming, learning more, and then repeating the
whole process over and over. Because of extended terror from the
beginning of my life, I have also had to learn how to come out of the
frozen, foggy, unlit, and hidden places in the world around and inside
me. Shall I just say the process is not boring (not even sure I know
what that concept feels like) nor is it easy (a vast understatement.) I
did have some important help from the beginning and along the way among
which included a feisty, fiery spirit full of wonder, curiosity,
intelligences, and an enormous love despite all.
Some of the
important lessons I learned from infancy onward was to look for the
whole thing and not just part, to keep checking the foundational or
roots of whatever I was dealing with or building, to measure and
re-think the measurements at least three times before making a cut or a
move, and to keep learning more of the meaning of love, respect, and
honor and how to apply them. So, from my baby mind until now, I took my
lessons to heart and one of the practical results was that I learned and
keep learning that life is a vast lesson in making love and that
physical sexual joinings were a very small but important part of the
whole life. Also, physical sexual joinings included but were not limited
to coitus but included myriad variations on what relationships of any
type could be. Also, I learned in the most traumatic way possible about
the evil misuse of any part of this whole thing. And so, I am still
healing and learning. I discovered that all of us are as well, so I am
not alone.
My life motto for decades has been "hold all sacred."
That sacredness is a profound respect and honoring so needed in, to, and
from me. Due to the nature of all I needed to heal from, I have been
mostly alone even in the midst of crowds. My nature and habit is to be
usually very quiet, but I do have great spurts of talkativeness when the
mood and opportunity are present. And, despite all, I still love
humans...even those who have hurt me the deepest. I somehow knew that
hearing their true stories were a part of my healing. So, I yearned to
hear. Part of that includes a hearing of all points of view. Hearing to
me means a deep, focused listening to the whole message of the "other" -
to all (human, non-human, living being but non-animal, non-living
being, all - all means all.) Until I hear what you are trying to tell
me, I have not heard you, in other words. And, I want to hear you.
This
hearing is such a big part of love-making that it surpasses and
encompasses the whole experience, in my opinion and observation. And, to
me, all is love-making in one way and another. Once fully heard,
ecstasy is there ready for explosive joy in all directions. Joy, love,
healing, and wholeness? What's not to love about this?
I want it all.
